Werebunny
by singingrain
Summary: OneShot. NaruSasuNaru. Naruto takes care of Sakura's boss's rabbit, and comes to the conclusion that both it and its owner are vampires. Silly fun, not a vampfic.


"Ok, Sakura, but only because it's you that's asking."

Said pink-haired girl let out a sigh of relief as her friend decided to help her out.

"I know this is really sudden, but my mother really needs my help right now. She's got a shitty lawyer, and at this rate, my dad's gonna end up with the house."

Naruto looked at her apologetically, feeling bad for his best friend about her parent's divorce. He sighed, resigning himself to his fate. The least he could do was baby-sit the stupid rabbit her boss made her take care of when he was on business trips.

"Don't worry about it; it's cool. So where is the little sack of fluff anyways?"

Sakura shifted her feet sheepishly; she had just been so focused on getting him to agree to take care of it that she forgot to tell him one minor detail.

"Well," she started nervously, unsure of how he would take it. "It's at his house. My boss is really picky, and he doesn't want Larry-"

"Larry?"

"The bunny."

"Right. So go on."

"Yeah, so my boss is kinda finicky and he doesn't want Larry away from his familiar environment. So you'll have to go over to his house everyday to take care of him."

Sakura finished the last part of her explanation in one breath, anxious to see what Naruto's reaction would be. And for a second, Naruto stood stock-still. But only for a second. There was a choked giggle, then he burst out laughing.

"Oh, this is just too good," he said as he gasped for air. "This basket case is worried that LARRY the BUNNY will get HOMESICK!"

Sakura stared for a bit, then gave a few chuckles of her own. It was a bit silly, after she thought about it. But still, she was worried.

"So you really don't mind?" She asked. Naruto gave a radiant smile that could make anyone melt, and said:

"Hell no, it's free cable!"

Sakura felt relieved and absentmindedly nodded her head. Good, he was ok with it; yes, it meant free cable. Wait. What the hell?

"Free cable? What on earth are you talking about?"

Naruto graciously explained.

"Well, I think my neighbor, that old bat Tsunade, has started catching on that I'm mooching off hers, so I've had to be careful these past couple of weeks."

Sakura sighed; she should have known. Naruto made good money as a fairly sought after marketing advisor, and he still lived in a stinkhole of an apartment, leeching cable (and probably anything else he could get) off his neighbors. In short, he was the cheapest guy she'd ever met. Sakura felt a brief tinge of guilt. Larry would probably starve because Naruto would most likely try to feed him the cheapest thing he could find. Namely: ramen. Poor, poor Larry.

---

As Naruto drove up to the house, he let out an appreciatory low whistle. Now THIS was fine living: gated entrance, fountain out front, and a gigantic two story house. He would bet a month's rent that this guy had a killer TV. He used the gate opener (courtesy Sakura) to play with and open and close the gate at least four times, then drove up the driveway, got out, and went to the impressive and ornately carved wooden door.

Naruto put the key (also courtesy Sakura) into the lock, turned it, opened the door, and stepped into hell.

As he walked around, more and more destruction presented itself. There were rabbit droppings EVERYWHERE, random puddles of what he could only assume was urine, various small vegetables lying around, and scattered pieces of stuffing that he really, really hoped wasn't from the expensive looking deflated pillows he saw lying in a corner of the foyer.

And as he walked into the kitchen, there was the little harbinger of ruin himself. Larry was munching innocently on a slightly ruined piece of lettuce squat in the middle of the kitchen countertop. Naruto narrowed his eyes at the fluff of the devil, and it reared its evil head and looked back at him fearlessly with its demonic crimson eyes.

Naruto marched right up to Larry, pointed his finger at him, and said:

"Listen up- from now on, no more of this. It's my way or the highway; got it?"

Larry munched a bit more on his piece of lettuce, glanced at Naruto's finger so rudely in his face, and promptly bit it.

---

After Naruto cleaned up Larry's copious mess, he picked him up to take him outside.

Larry bit him.

Naruto held on until they got outside, then put him down to let him do his business. (As if he hadn't done it enough in the house.) Naruto explored the backyard, finding a little hutch. There he discovered a little brush inside it, and after chasing down Larry, proceeded to brush him.

Larry bit him. Again.

Ok, Naruto decided, maybe he doesn't like being brushed, or better yet, maybe he's hungry. So Naruto carefully (while avoiding teeth) picked Larry up and carried him to the kitchen, opened the refrigerator door, and found a relatively fresh carrot. He offered it to the red-eyed rabbit. And of course,

Larry bit him. Hard. And started chomping on his hand, as if Naruto were some particularly tasty treat.

So Naruto gave up, and sat down on a rather luxurious leather seat in front of a gigantic television, contemplating Larry, who was down lying in his lap and nibbling on his jeans.

Naruto thought about how people always say that a pet resembles its owner. If that was the case, Larry's owner must be some sort of vampire, because all Larry ever did was bite. Naruto laughed a little at this, then thought to himself about how Sakura described her boss. Pale skin, hair as black as night, and an unusual affinity for causing people to suffer. Strange…

"Holy crap, he is a vampire!" Naruto yelled out loud.

Larry bit him.

"Oh my god, does that mean you're a vampire rabbit? Am I going to turn into a werebunny? Noooo!"

And of course, about this time the owner of said vampire rabbit walked in from his early return to see a blond man covered in bite marks talking to himself about becoming a werebunny.

---

The two men ended up being a bit taken aback by the other's presence, and not simply because of the unexpectedness of Sasuke's early return or the odd bunny-sitter being there. The two were actually quite familiar with each other- they had gone through an awkward semi-dating-type relationship in their grad school years which had ended quickly due to Sasuke transferring schools.

And after a few brief moments of blankly staring at each other, Sasuke, knowing what he did about his idiotic 'acquaintance' and his odd little quirks, grilled the man about exactly WHY he was taking care of his precious rabbit.

So Naruto was given the task of calming the irate bunny-owner and assuring him that no, he had not fed Larry any ramen (yet), and yes, he did (try to) feed him something healthy.

And after this quick reassurance from Naruto, they did some brief catching up- it had been several years, after all, and they weren't even aware that they lived in the same town. Soon Sasuke grudgingly invited Naruto to stay for dinner because the energetic man's stomach was emitting little demands for food, and Naruto happily agreed, but had one worry nagging at the back of his mind.

He mulled over how to go about testing his theory while watching TV. Sasuke was making dinner in the kitchen, while yelling into the living room about Naruto being a horrible houseguest by not helping or at least offering to help cook.

As the casserole came out of the oven, an idea struck Naruto. And as he thought about it, a blush creeped up on his face. But he had to do this; there was no other way to know for certain.

Naruto walked into the kitchen, filled with determination to carry out his plan–Sasuke gave him a wary sidelong glance- …after dinner. They ate without pauses or silences; Naruto always had something to say, and even Sasuke participated in the conversation more than was normal for him. By the time they finished their meal, Sasuke was wearing a slightly pleased smirk, and Naruto was beaming happily. But when they cleared the table and took their dishes to the sink, Naruto suddenly looked shy. It was now or never; he had to do it.

"Eh, Sasuke… Um, are you… Uh, sorry 'bout this…" Naruto fumbled to say.

"What are you talking abou-"

Sasuke was cut off as Naruto's lips found his, and soon a tongue that was definitely NOT his own was forced into his mouth, sliding along his teeth. Sasuke was justifiably stunned and was too taken aback to react to the situation at all until Naruto made a hasty retreat.

"What the hell?! What was that about?!" Sasuke demanded, although he suspiciously didn't look quite as angry as he sounded. Naruto gave a quick relieved smile, then replied rather sheepishly.

"I was checking to see if you were a vampire… And I couldn't have just asked you, because you would have been suspicious." This seemed to make sense in the miniscule object Naruto called a brain, Sasuke deduced, but did not necessarily mean it was rational to a higher level of intelligence such as himself.

"A vampire, Naruto? Seriously? And anyway, if you were trying to keep it secret then why did you tell me now?"

"Because you don't have fangs, so I know you're not one. But you might want to be careful of Larry. I'm pretty sure he still is."

Sasuke sighed. That was Naruto for you. There he was, believing and saying something absolutely ridiculous with a completely straight face. He let out a soft chuckle; he had actually missed the strange eccentricities of this insane man.

"You haven't changed a bit, have you?" Sasuke asked amusedly, and without giving Naruto a chance to reply, Sasuke kissed him, the same forceful way Naruto had 'kissed' him, except this time Naruto was the one stunned into inaction, and as they parted, it was his turn to question.

"What was that for?" He demanded, trying to cover up his shock and divert attention from the slight coloring he could feel in his face. He was NOT expecting THAT to happen. Frankly, he was expecting something more along the lines of a punch to the face. Sasuke had always been a prickly bastard.

"I was making sure you weren't a werebunny. Larry could have turned you while I was gone," Sasuke said, smirking. Then he picked up the briefly forgotten but now content Larry, and shoved Naruto out the front door.


End file.
